There are no deep state truths that can overcome me because this is show business baby, and I’m number one. I’m the greatest, like Mohammed Ali. You know why? Because I’m Money. Lots of it. Gold, diamonds, mansions, golf courses, memberships, pearls, that’s what everyone wants. That’s what people want. That’s why they admire me, because I know how to make money. It flows through me, like blood, my blood is like perfectly viscous oil. My arteries are like pipelines. People want skyscraper hotels, land, land is treasure, land is power. I get that. So, if another country, say Russia, needs land, and it’s not my land, it’s not your land either, that’s fine, we have ours. They have theirs. And if I can help them keep it, they’ll help me later. That’s basic diplomacy, right? Helping me is helping you, don’t you see? We are Americans. You don’t need some international relations degree to understand that! We help others, so we can help ourselves, right? So, I say, we’ll get out Syria, if you just do me a couple of favors. I’ve got lots of new military hardware Ukraine, if you can just do something for me. I need intel. That’s all I need, because all my State Department and CIA give me is fake intel. And when I say intel, find me a source, any source, doesn’t have to be verified, just someone willing to give me what I need, you understand? And what I need is smoke, tarnish, innuendo, doubt raisers, you know real raisers, the kind that makes a man squirm, when I repeat it over and over, and the crowd chants what I want them to. Just give it to Rudy, or Vlad, or Assange, anyone of them, they’ve got the right people. That’s why I love Rudy. He hires the right guys, like Lev and Igor. They know the Russians, the Ukrainians, even Floridians, and they knew how to distribute their cash. Big luscious dollars. So, I don’t need a Secretary of State. That involves Congressional approval and strings, their strings. I tried with the Generals too, and they think they know better than me. So, they had to go. Just remember, I remember my friends, and I remember my opponents, and I remember if you politely say no. Then you’re my opponent. Me and my friends will bury you. I do it all right out in the open. Because what man does anything wrong right out in the open. You’re judged not on the basis of some humble pie honesty, but by boldness, open boldness, because if you can do it openly, it’s got to be legal, right? I’ve got nothing to hide. That’s why my conversations are perfect. Because being politically incorrect isn’t illegal. It’s the purest form of honesty. These diplomats, they’re dipshits you know, protocol, with their swampy, cautious protocol. But protocol is so slow, so predictable, protocol is the status quo. You want to talk quo? Status quo is status stupid, the same deals that made American beholden to everyone but the American people. Deals, deals, deals make America Great Again. And everyone knows you’ve got to give something to get something. So you tell me? What’s the difference between American aide in exchange for foreign intelligence and cooperation and American aide for political dirt? One’s influencing politicians abroad. I’m influencing politicians at home. Both pieces of information, right? Just like Mulvaney was trying to say, get over it, it’s for America. And I just wanted information on Biden for the benefit of the American people. Because I’m the only one who can keep America Great. My quid pro quo is pro pro pro. It’s pro America. And the American people understand that I was a real pro making deals with Zelensky, whatever our deal, it’s totally justified. That’s why my deal was perfect. Take out Biden, they put up wasteful Warren or Crazy Bernie and re-election is assured. I make everyone richer for four more years. And anyone who reports that as illegal or dishonest? Just fake reporting, fake news, fake piety, fake constitutionality, they’re the dishonest ones, trying to make wealth and truth illegal. No one wants to go back to making pitiful, paltry dollars. And the dishonest Democrats? They’re the traitors, the ones who restrain trade, restrain deals. That’s why I love Vlad. The Russians tried Communism and saw the light. The Russians love Vlad. He gets 80 percent of the vote! Leave it to the billionaires, the industrialists and oligarchs. We’re the ones who get things done and we deserve to get paid for it. We close the borders even if it means expanding them like the Turks are doing. I get it and that’s why I made a deal. The Kurds helped us for a while, and I appreciate it. But we’ve moved on. We’re not staying. We’re not the world’s policeman anymore. Those Democrats ought to be ashamed for everything they do to try to stop me. But I’m not ashamed. And I never will be. And the American people? Only 3 percent unemployment! They will never let me be lynched by this mob of so-called diplomatic protocol lovers like Yovanovitch and Taylor. No one elected those career bureaucrats. Mitch will protect me. We have a deal. The American people elected me and love me. My goal is to get 75 percent of the people who want to keep American Great. I will tell them, look in the mirror, you like how you look? This country was made for people who look like you, so you must do anything it takes to win in 2020. Keep the country pure. I need four more years to stop those Chinese and Lagarde and those cheap bastard Europeans. All they do is take. So I’m telling you: my people, the American people will rally this: we won’t be stopped, we won’t be stopped, WE WON’T BE STOPPED. I won’t, and I can’t be stopped.
Michel Krug is a Johns Hopkins Writing Seminars and University of Minnesota Law School grad. He writes poetry and literary fiction and practices law. His poems have appeared in PRTN, Door Is A Jar, Tuck Magazine, The Raven’s Perch, Poetry24, Main Street Rag, Brooklyn Review.
Photo by Joyce N. Boghosian/Official White House Photo.