It was the pretzel did it,
that small, wizened, old salt,
mouth full of bad words.
No, I mean the girl in the red shorts,
maybe bright orange,
surely a hooker, did it.
Anyway they were short:
the pants, the girl,
Mickey should have thrown her out,
The girl, not the pretzel.
She was no princess, not Belle,
even in the embrace
of that smelly old beast, was better.
Though you got to wonder
what’s under that costume, that snout,
all that hair.
Not Mulan, her I could almost stand,
Even though she’s not an American,
she’s clean. Even a black Little Mermaid,
though I wonder who thought that up.
Standards are falling.
Minnie wouldn’t have allowed it.
though she’s only a mouse.
And that duck, what’s his name,
with all the money, Scrounge maybe.
They wouldn’t have let in all those
unmarried. This is a family place.
Gotta keep them standards.
We are Americans, after all.
Jane Yolen is a poet, novelist and children’s book writer with 378 published books to her credit. Six New England colleges and Universities have given her honorary doctorates for her body of work.